Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
