I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
