It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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