What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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