I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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