bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
