If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize