yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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