There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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