Swine flu. Run for my life!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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