3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
True college students do jello shots in the library
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
