went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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