Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
