Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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