i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize