I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
