1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
