I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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