this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Why did my mother make you get naked?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
