Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
