Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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