i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm getting married
To pizza
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
