I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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