Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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