my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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