Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Randomize
