So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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