Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
