Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
