Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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