I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
