his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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