6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
