I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
