Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I cockslap morals
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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