So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Randomize
