i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
