Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
