my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize