I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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