When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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