The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How external is "for external use only"?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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