No awkward lesbian experiences without me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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