Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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