I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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