woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
