Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
