I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
