C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
