I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
