you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
