If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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