You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found your dick twin last night
Are we still banned from the library?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
