I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
