You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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