That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
