When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
