I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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