I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
vagina is talking i cant
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
