I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
