I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
