we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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