So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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