If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
